Blog 4

To: T. Leoni, Manager, Personnel Department
From: Donald Pryzblo, Manager, Data Processing Department
Subject: Payroll Errors

Dear T. Leoni:

Upon reviewing the computer files, time tickets, and time sheets corresponding to the payroll checks, I have found the errors brought to our attention.

The majority of inconsistencies occurred between time sheets and time tickets that the Personnel Department clerks transcribe. Some were made between the time tickets and computer files, as well. As the manager of the department, I am hoping to get your help in ensuring errors in payroll processing are kept to a minimum.

You and I had spoke about having the computer operators in the Data Processing Department compare their entries to the original time sheets. Unfortunately, the computer operators will not be able to perform this task on top of their other duties. At this time, we cannot afford to hire additional help to review the payroll documents.

It would be very much appreciated if you could speak with your clerks about carefully reviewing the documents being copied. I will also speak with the computer operators about being more vigilant in their transcribing. I believe that by working together we can make sure that payroll is processed efficiently and correctly.

If there is anything I can do to help you, please don’t hesitate to ask.

Sincerely,

Donald Pryzblo
____________________________________________________

First of all, I started off by changing the subject line from all caps, and making it less threatening. Then I provided a salutation to T. Leoni, to make it more personable, and less like a sudden attack. I changed the first sentence to make it sound more neutral, and not short or sarcastic with quotation marks.
On the next paragraph, I changed the sentences from finger pointing to stating the facts, and asking for the manager’s help in the situation. I also recognized that the errors were not solely on Personnel’s clerks.
Then, I nicely, but clearly stated that the computer operators could not take on the task of reviewing the clerks, errors, and that due to financial reasons, more employees could not be hired to take on the job.
To finish it off, I expressed appreciation for having the manager’s help, and presented a united front to prevent such problems from occurring.
I using a complimentary closing to also ensure the reader that there were no hard feelings, and that I was a friend, not an attacker.
Overall, I changed the e-mail to remain professional, as it is written in the work setting, but keep it friendly at the same time. I got the point across without accusatory commentary or curt sentences.
I did add some length to the e-mail, but it was necessary considering the original was short, and did little more than point fingers away from himself, and his department.

Blog 3

I looked at three different web pages for the biology department at three universities, and found the most effective and engaging to be on the Saint Louis University’s biology web page. The least effective page was the University of South Carolina site, and in the middle was my own biology department at USM. What made the SLU web page the most appealing was its clean-cut layout, and the highlights of what you can experience as a biology major at their school, such as hands-on learning at the St. Louis Zoo, Botanical Gardens, or Medical Center. On the other side of the spectrum was USC’s looked unprofessional and had too much text on one page. Southern Miss had very little writing, but a slideshow of pictures plays on the home page showing various opportunities available in its biology classes, and did not look like a high school student created it. USC also had a picture of the biology department’s building – less than exciting. Also, in SLU’s biology introduction, they name the organizations that many biology students are involved in, something that I didn’t find out about until the end of my sophomore year at Southern Miss. The web pages are:
http://www.usm.edu/biology/
http://www.biol.sc.edu/undergrad/overview.html
http://www.slu.edu/x14762.xml

Some constraints about the way you write are the audience you are writing for, and the group you are representing in your writing. Everything that is put on the department web page reflects everyone within the department, as well as the institution itself. As far as the audience, you don’t want to intimidate potential students with unnecessary vocabulary and too many statistics. These recruits want to know why they should choose one school’s biology program over another, and that’s what you need to give them – be to the point, but not too cut and dry. While being clear and concise, you also want to make them feel like they would be a part of a group that cares about its members. This can be attained by using ethos, pathos, and logos that pertains to the audience and those the writing represents. You must take into account the stakeholders in your communication, or your writing may have a widespread negative effect.

There are certain things to keep in mind for creating an appealing and attractive brochure for biology recruitment. One would be to include the different opportunities the school and biology department provide for science majors. Also, the use of photos that reinforce the potential out-of-classroom learning experience will likely make the text more memorable. Too much writing will put off a prospective student, and they may not read about all of the great things the program has to offer. A clean, well put together introductory site will likely encourage those viewing it to explore other links within the biology department for further investigation. However, too boring or simple and the reader will forget about it, and too much will likely make them want to get away as quickly as possible. There must be moderation to achieve a successful balance of writing and visual aids to give the reader enough to make them want to know more.

Blog 2

The writing I chose to evaluate is the peer-reviewed article from the International Journal of Food Microbiology that I read and summarized for my General Microbiology class. The lengthy title is "The use of sourdough fermented by antifungal LAB to reduce the amount of calcium propionate in bread." In the article, a study was performed to determine if the use of antifungal sourdough fermented by lactic acid bacteria can be used in place of the chemical additive calcium propionate to increase or maintain an acceptable shelf life for bread. Slices of bread with sourdough and calcium propionate were sprayed with a solution of fungal spores. The results were recorded according to the surface area of fungus growth, which indicated that the sourdough addition should be an effective way to decrease the amount of chemical additives needed for bread to have an acceptable shelf life, and be safe for consumption.
The article was collaboratively written by three people that work with the Department of Food Science, Food Technology and Nutrition, and the National Food Biotechnology Centre in conjunction with the National University of Ireland. Their association with these two groups would indicate that the study they did would be best used by those in the food production industry, specifically industrial bakeries, as well as those in an academic setting hoping to use this information to further their own research.
The issue at hand is really how to reduce the amount of unnatural chemicals used in bread products, but maintain the shelf-life the chemical provides with a natural agent. Which has currently become a worldwide trend with going green and using organic products. The authors' purpose in writing the article is to inform people that there are more natural and effective ways to preserve bread, than the use of chemicals.
Throughout the article, there is frequent use of scientific terms and nomenclature, which, to those unfamiliar with the terms would make the article nearly impossible to comprehend. Being a biology major, there are some words that I have to look up myself. Also, since the authors are from the United Kingdom, some words are spelled slightly different than the American spelling, but that does not make the words unrecognizable.
The tone of the article is fairly cut and dry, there is minimal 'fluff,' and no flowery language, as it is an academic text, and its purpose is strictly to inform, not entertain.
Having read numerous journal articles in my science classes, this article was one of the few that was relatively easy to read and understand. The authors used words that conveyed the ideas simply and effectively, and minimal re-reading was required to completely understand the material. Also, the article was an adequate length, it was not too long winded; it kept your attention while giving you all the pertinent information.